Lulufar

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Back to Reality

One of the most surreal things is walking around a hospital at 3:30 in the morning. That’s exactly when I decided to go grab a coffee at this nearby coffee shop. All I could hear as I was passing patients’ rooms was the sound of the ventilators breathing for the patient; heeeeeeeee breath in, aaaaaaaaaaaah breath out. I peeped in one of the rooms. The blank stare of the woman on me. What is she thinking about? Heeeeeeeee aaaaaaaaaaah.


I try to walk faster. Got into the empty elevator wondering how many people have walked their last steps in and out of this elevator. 15 beep, 14 beep, 12 beep, 11 beep, 10 …. .


Main floor. Packed most of the times and now empty other than this one woman vacuuming. She turns to look at me. I know this look, eyes wide open , brain tight shut. Did she even see me? Her face is pale, black eyeliner has dripped down on her cheeks. Once-red lipstick with no obedience of the lips borders. Long yellow gown. She walks back and forth as she vaccums but there is absolutely no pattern. The Woooooo of the vacuum slowly fades away as I walk toward the doors.

As I walk out of the doors, in front of me, there is this man, a patient, with blue hospital gown trying to keep balance by leaning on his IV pole. Tubes coming out from different parts of his body. At the end of each tube, there is a transparent bag. In the bags, body fluids of all colors. Red, yellow, white, green, … . Fluid bags in his left hand, IV pole and cigarette in the other hand. I walk away, turn around for a moment, he’s half hidden in the smoke of his cigarettes, I turn away, walk faster.

The coffee shop, the man in his sunglasses with head turned right at me. Is he looking at me? Next table the guy's head is on the table and from the way he’s breathing I know he’s fast asleep.

“one medium coffee please”.

Walking back fast. Glancing every now and then at the apartments’ windows trying to remember how was it like when nights were for being at home.

Got into the hospital and they announce Code Blue. I can’t remember what happened to the coffee or how I got to the patient’s bed. All I can remember is turning the knob to 180 joules, pressing Shock button, thinking “Please, come back to reality”.